Late
I really need to go to bed. I have a headache and I am tired. It has been a busy day. Actually, it has been a pretty busy season.
I ran the Cougar Run, again. And again, I came in 2nd in my age group. Drat. I am always second. I dream of being speedy, but when it actually comes to the race, I never seem to be able to deliver. I wish that I had what it takes to run better. I just don't know if I do. I did it in 28:46. That is just 1 second faster than last year! Double Drat.
I really enjoyed my visit with Beth. It is an interesting experience to be a guest of your child. This is the first time. It was good seeing Jimmy again. Babies are a lot of fun compared to teenagers. Well, I am going to toddle off to bed now.

I am depressed. It really isn't so surprising. I feel like I am stuck, spinning my wheels, not going anywhere.  Sometimes it is hard to distinquish between depression and tiredness. Maybe I am just tired.

Heat

I don't understand what it is about hot days that make me so lazy and sleepy. It seems that as the sun rises it sucks the energy right out of my body and I don't want to do anything but sit and 'veg'.
Beth and Richard are leaving soon. I don't think I have wrapped my mind around that yet. It seems somehow more permanent and wrenching than when Beth got married. Distance I think is what adds to the feeling. I find myself wondering about my various ancestors who left family and home to come to Utah so many years ago. I know many of them knew they would never see their natal family again in this life. I don't know that I could have done it.
Still feeling somewhat directionless and at lose ends. Hopefully I will be able to get out of this funk before fall. I think the trick is to just keep looking forward more than I look back. Like driving...you look back every so often, so you don't get blind-sided...but not often. Keep your focus foward and maybe a little on the sides...everything else doesn't matter anymore. Easy to say, hard to do I'm afraid.

I just looked at my other blog page, which is more for family news, and discovered that I choose the same layout and look. I hate being so predictable but I quess I am.
I heard that some of my relatives think I am an addict. Myself and my cousins Serena and Bryan. All addicts. I don't exactly feel like an addict. If I am then my addiction is causing me a great deal of frustration right now. But perhaps that is the nature of addictions. Perhaps they all start innocently enough and then turn gradually into sources of frustration and sometimes pain. I personally don't think that running is a bona-fide addiciton but some may. And I do think of other things. I just think about running more than most.

Okay, I am now an official 'blogger'. Kind of surreal. I don't know how open to be about my feelings in this format. I doubt that anyone would every really read these pages of mine but it is somewhat like leaving you personal diary in a place where anyone could sneak a peak at what is what in your life. Creepy.